


Don't Make It Awkward

by BoxedWine



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Sebastian Stan - Fandom, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Eventual Smut, F/M, Secret Crush, Sharing a Bed, Tropes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-18
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-11-23 20:25:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18156626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoxedWine/pseuds/BoxedWine
Summary: I'm in the mood for tropes.Reader has a secret crush on Bucky Barnes, but does he like her at all? Even as a friend?Perhaps they will have to pretend to be in a relationship. Maybe they will encounter a bed that's too small. Much wine will be consumed. Oh, the pining.





	1. Selling Sam Out

“Grape?”

“Sure.”

Sam hurls the grape at your face and it bounces off your forehead.

“You dick.”

He snorts and turns back to the bacon sizzling on the stove.

You hear the pop of a grape skin behind you and turn to see Steve chewing, eyes crinkled with amusement. 

“It really was a good shot,” Steve grins. Sam laughs as he moves the bacon to a plate and places it on the island. 

“So what’s on your agenda today?”

You follow a swig of your coffee with the crunching of bacon.

“I’m mostly herding this fool around,” you gesture to Sam, as you reply to Steve. “He has a couple interviews lined up with news magazines so he can explain what a hero Redwing is.”

You subtly glance at Bucky, who is sitting at the table reading the paper. You see him smirk softly, though he doesn’t look up. In spite of yourself, you feel pride well up anytime you make him smile, no matter how slight. Unfortunately for Sam, this means you are all too willing to make him the butt of the joke as it is one of the easiest ways to achieve your goal.

Another grape bounces off your head. Steve catches that one, too.

“Lucky for you, I showered this morning.”

Bucky stands up and brushes against you on his way to refill his coffee. After he pours his, he starts to head back to his seat, when he pauses and looks at you.

“More?”

“Please.”

He fills your cup and nods at your thanks. This is how it goes with him. Quiet and reserved. Polite to you, but not exactly seeking your friendship. He is at his most open with Steve, and sometimes Sam, if they aren’t bickering. He also started opening up with Thor, which is a big compliment to the Asgardian god given how little time he spends at the compound, and seems to enjoy Scott’s company. He also bonded with Wanda after she helped him with his nightmares. 

You wish you could figure out how to get into that circle, but the secret eludes you. It doesn’t help that your job as a team assistant, often helping with tasks like getting them to interviews and public appearances, pretty much means your professional interaction with him is to lead him into situations he has no interest in being part of. The man does not like talking to reporters or the public. At all.

You have a hopeless crush on the man, but you aren’t sure if he does much more than tolerate your presence. 

***

Later in the day, after Sam’s interview, you walk across the compound yard. Bucky is leaning against a wall talking with a SHIELD staff member. She’s clearly flirting, not exactly a new sight. Bucky gets hit on a lot. When he first came here, he was oblivious to it. Then unnerved by it. Now he usually just calmly extracts himself from the situation. But this time you see him smile back, very uncharacteristically. The woman flicks her shoulder-length blond hair over her shoulder and pats his right arm. He shifts nervously, but then smiles again. Your stomach turns and as his eyes lift to meet yours, you look back down at the ground and speed your steps. Then, in a false show of confidence, you lift your eyes to look straight ahead and stride across the yard like you have somewhere important to be.

***

Rather than go back to your suite, you knock on Darcy’s door. She landed a job as a research assistant several months ago, on Jane’s recommendation. Bruce is constantly perplexed by her.

“Giiiiirrrrrrlllll,” she greets you, waving a bottle of wine. 

“It’s kinda early.”

“It’s five o’clock somewhere. No wait! Look at the clock. It’s almost five o’clock here. Let’s do this. Long day. I dropped my phone in the toilet again and I lost all my music until I get my new Stark phone.”

She pours you a glass and you sit on her couch while she lounges sideways on a chair. 

“I saw your man come in and get some bloodwork done,” she smirks at you.

“He’s not my man.”

“He took his shirt off and everything. Jesus Christ, woman. I don’t even know what else to say.”

“Don’t remind me.”

“What are you so cranky about? No jokes about licking Nutella off his abs?”

“That’s your department. Besides, I just saw him flirting with a SHIELD agent.”

“Oh, boo. How boring. Your babies will be so much cuter.”

“You don’t even know what she looks like. And no thanks on the baby talk.”

“Doesn’t matter. I’m a supportive friend. Now let’s go see what Sammy is up to.”

Darcy leapt up, glass in one hand, bottle in the other, and bounced down the hall. You followed, taking cautious sips on the way. 

“Saaaaaaaam!” Darcy yelped at the sight of him filling a glass of orange juice. 

“Darcy, damn. It’s not even five- Nope, wait! It’s 5:02. Fill her up,” he says, sticking the juice back in the fridge and pulling out his own wine glass. The three of you gather around the island, joined moments later by Natasha, who walks straight to the cabinet and gets her own glass. Then she stoops down and pulls another bottle out of her personal cupboard.

“Looks, like we’re gonna need this,” she says, setting both items on the counter.

“I have found my people,” Darcy snorts.

Steve walks through the doorway and raises an eyebrow. “Happy hour?”

“C’mon, Cap. Pull up a glass,” Darcy grins.

Steve takes a seat but doesn’t bother with a glass. He doesn’t see the point in drinking alcohol anymore unless it’s an occasional Asgardian brew.

One more person enters the room and everyone goes silent. Sam whistles. Bucky is clearly startled by his reception.

You take him in in his black jeans and blue button up shirt. His hair is brushed back neatly behind his ears and he is clean shaven, a rare occurrence. It has barely been been an hour since you saw him dressed casually outside. Your heart feels like it’s about to burst out of your chest at how pretty he looks.

“And where are YOU off to?” Sam demands.

“Nowhere. Just getting some dinner.”

“Wiiiittthhhh?”

“None of your damn business,” Bucky says, rolling his eyes.

Steve grins and nods approvingly.

“Do you have a date, Bucky?” Darcy demands, clearly feeling the effects of the wine. 

Bucky looks startled again, given he and Darcy don’t know each other well at all. Your hands tighten around your glass. 

“I have to go,” he mutters, and continues on his way to the elevator.

When the doors slide closed behind him, Darcy turns to Steve.

“Spill.”

Steve shrugs. “He’s going to dinner with someone in the SHIELD office. He didn’t tell me much other than that. But guys, don’t give him a hard time. He’s moving on with his life. Dating is part of that. Don’t make it awkward for him.”

Darcy catches your eyes and looks sympathetic. You bite your bottom lip and realize Natasha is giving you the same look. Of course, you should have realized she’d be onto you. You chug the rest of your drink.


	2. Dinner Date

Bucky nervously waits for Andrea at the entrance to the garage. He’s running excuses for backing out through his head, but when he sees her approaching with a huge smile, he decides not to bail.

“Hey, Bucky! Ready to go?”

Bucky nods, and since she’s to his left, he holds out his metal arm to loop with hers. She hesitates at the sight, then slowly offers her arm. He sighs inwardly. He’s been on two other dates before this and every time they seem uncomfortable touching his arm. They love talking about it, just not the physical contact. Without saying a word he steps over and takes her arm with his flesh arm and leads her to the car, wishing he’d found an out instead.

She seems eager to make up for her transgression and compliments him on his clothes and hair.

“Thanks. You look beautiful, by the way,” he replies. 

She talks the whole way to the restaurant, full of questions about him joining the team and his friendships with the others. They arrive at the restaurant, her suggestion, because she knows the family that runs it. 

“Andrea,” the hostess greets her. “How are you?”

“Amazing,” she smiles, and puts her arm around Bucky’s waist, catching him off guard. Some of the guests are looking at them, recognizing the former Winter Soldier. She requests a table near the front of the dining room, much to Bucky’s disappointment. He prefers to be inconspicuous in the back. As they sit, he sees her eyes dart around, looking to see who is looking at them. It’s becoming clear what this date is really about.

They order appetizers and she shoots him coy looks over her glass of chardonnay. He forces himself to smile back.

“You have an amazing smile,” she says.

He blushes and murmurs a thanks. When he glances back up, he sees a man glaring daggers at him from across the restaurant, and his fingers twitch toward the knife stashed in his belt.

Seeing the path of his gaze, Andrea turns to look behind her. Then she turns back with a smirk and flick of her hair. “Ignore him. He’s an asshole.”

“You know him?”

“Yeah, he’s one of the owners.”

“I thought you were friends with them.” 

“I am. But not him. Not anymore.”

Oh, this date is becoming crystal clear.

“Is he an ex-boyfriend?” Bucky sighs.

“Ugh. It was nothing. He worthless.”

“Then why did we come here?”

“I like it here. He can’t just run me off somewhere I like. Let’s just enjoy our date.”

Bucky wishes he could just get up and walk away, but he doesn’t have it in him to be that rude, even though he’d be well within his rights. He’ll suffer through this stupid dinner and get home as fast as possible. Maybe the happy hour gang, that he now wishes he had stuck with, will be watching a movie together.

Bucky sees the man approaching in his peripheral vision. Fantastic.

“Are you finding everything to your liking?” the man asks, voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Very much so,” Andrea replies, looking up at him with a smirk.

“And you, sir? Are you enjoying your...meal?”

“It’s very good. Thank you,” Bucky replies quietly.

“How long have you been fucking the Winter Soldier, Andrea?”

Bucky’s fork clatters on the plate and he throws his head back with annoyance.

“None of your fucking business, Aaron!”

“If you can just bring us the bill, we will get out of here,” Bucky interrupts. 

Aaron turns as if to challenge him, but his eyes slip to Bucky’s hand and forearm, revealed by his rolled up sleeve. He seems to realize that no amount of testosterone is going to allow him to kick the super soldier's ass. 

“It’s on the house. Just get this slut out of here.” He storms away.

Bucky takes a firm grasp of Andrea’s arm and leads her to the car. She’s sputtering with anger.  
“You could have kicked his ass!”

“Why should I kick his ass because you antagonized him?”

“He called me a slut!”

“And ordinarily I’d happily have your back on something like that, but you clearly brought me here to piss him off, so we are leaving without making any more of a scene.”

The ride is quiet for a long while and Bucky is seething. Andrea finally speaks.

“I’m sorry, Bucky. What I did was dumb. But I really do you like you.”

Bucky turns to her and meets her eyes. “You really like me?”

She nods enthusiastically. Bucky is quiet as he parks the car. He steps out and walks around to open her door. When she stands, she turns to face him. 

“So you really like me?” Bucky repeats.

“Yes.”

Bucky reaches out for her with his left hand. She flinches.

“That’s what I thought,” he says and walks away.

***

When he reaches the Avenger floor, the communal area is pretty quiet, but the TV is playing in the darkened living room. You are curled up under a blanket watching Terminator 2 and Sam is sprawled on the floor. Bucky stands quietly in the doorway until Sam notices him. 

“Well well well. You’re back early, but just in time to catch the end of your documentary.”

Bucky gives him the finger, a symbolic gesture he has wholeheartedly embraced in the modern day. Then he plops down on the couch with you. 

You clear your throat nervously. “Why are you back so early?”

“Bad idea. Didn’t go well,” he replies, staring at T-1000 who is stalking John Connor onscreen.

“I’m sorry, Bucky. Maybe next time.”

“Next time.” He sighs. “I think I’m done with this pointless ritual. It’s not worth the bother.”

Sam turns like he’s going to make another joke, but you shoot him down with your eyes. He turns back to the TV.

“Well you deserve to be happy, so I hope the right person comes along.”

Bucky turns to study your face, looking surprised. Your face feels hot and you hope you haven’t given yourself away.

“Thank you,” he says quietly. He gives you a slight smile before he gets up to head to his room.

“Good night, Y/N,” he says to you before he leaves the room. Then louder, he turns to Sam, and says, “Good night, asshole.”

Sam replies with a double finger salute.


	3. The Invite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day!

When Bucky walks into the kitchen the next day, you are already there, hunched over your laptop and rubbing your left arm with a grimace, an injury from a car accident that had required a couple surgeries years before.

“Rain coming?” he asks.

You look up startled, then smile. “Sure, feels like it. My arm is accurate, 90 percent of the time.”

You struggle to maintain eye contact and not let your eyes rove over his tight black t-shirt and low slung sweats. His hair is pulled back in a hasty bun. You chew your lip and look back at your screen.

“Coffee?”

“Yes, please! I meant to make it myself but I’ve been putting together Tony’s schedule, so... yes thanks, Bucky.”

He begins to measure the grounds and fills the coffeemaker with water, and you stare at his back, watching the muscles ripple until a slight movement out of the corner of your eye draws your attention. Natasha is smirking at you, and you shoot her a quick glare and look back at your laptop. 

“Good morning,” Natasha says to the room at large. 

“Natasha,” Bucky replies without flinching, no doubt he had been aware of her presence long before you were.

“Make it strong, Barnes,” she says.

“Not too strong,” you interject. “You make it like tar, Nat.”

Bucky flashes you a rare grin over his shoulder and winks. Your stomach flips so hard you almost get dizzy.

Wanda wanders in at that moment. “There you are! You left this in my room the other day,” she says, handing you an envelope.

Your eyes roll. “Yeah, I don’t need this. I told you.” You start to lean towards the garbage can.

“Noooooo!” Wanda shrieks. “You should go. I wish I had things like that to attend.”

“Well you can go in my place if it means that much to you.”

Natasha reaches over and pulls the object from your hand. She pulls out the cardstock invitation inside and begins to read.

“Sure. Help yourself, Nat,” you say sarcastically.

“I mean I can read it in front of you or track it down behind your back. Do you know me at all?” she mumbles, still skimming.

Steve and Sam come in from the direction of the elevator, fresh off a morning run. Both lean over Nat’s shoulders to see what she’s reading.

“High school reunion!” yelps Sam. “Exciting!”

“You should sit down and let some oxygen get to your brain,” you say.

“You mean you aren’t going?”

“God, no. I didn’t enjoy high school the first time around.”

“Why not? Weren’t you cheerleader and homecoming queen and all that crap?”

“Ummm, I think you have me confused with someone else. Definitely not,” you say, noticing that Bucky is looking at you thoughtfully.

“Oh, come on,” Sam continues. “You’re adorable and funny. You must have been popular.”

You snort. “Thank you. Look, I had friends, but popular? No. I just tried to get through it all relatively unnoticed. And I definitely don’t feel like facing those people alone.”

Wanda gasps. “What- What if Steve went as your date! Captain America!”

“You are watching too many American sitcoms.”

Steve chuckles. “I’d actually be more than happy to be your date, but I have a mission planned for that weekend. Sam, too.”

“Oh my God you guys. It’s not about having a date. I mean, it would be nice, but I just don’t want to see most of those people. And the ones I do, I keep up with on social media.”

“But it would be easier if you didn’t have to go alone, yes?” Wanda asks. “I’d go as your friend, but I will actually be in Sokovia that week on a personal issue.”

“I’d go, but I’m leading weapons training for new recruits,” Nat adds.

“I can go,” a deep voice says quietly. Everyone turns to look at Bucky in surprise. Your jaw drops. 

“I mean, I know you don’t want to go, but if you change your mind and want company, I’m free.”

Your mouth opens and closes a couple times before you find words. 

“Wow. Thank you, Bucky. I’ll think about what I want to do and let you know.”

He nods, looking uncomfortable, then excuses himself before rushing off to the gym.

Nat leans quietly into your ear and whispers, “Oh NOW you might want to go.”

***

Bucky carefully removes the wrapping from his hands after he finishes demolishing yet another punching bag. He’s still feeling anxious from his unexpected outburst in the kitchen. What had possessed him to say that? It wasn’t that he was unwilling to help you, but a high school reunion? A public gathering? Not his cup of tea.

Something in your embarrassed face when you talked about high school had drawn him to you. He was surprised to learn you hadn’t been that popular, given that he thought you were charming and pretty, but he had sensed your quickening heartbeat, the rise in your anxiety when talking about it. It made you feel more relatable. The way you described feeling in high school was how he often felt now. It was like you had switched places. He had once been the confident, popular one, while you were shy and quiet, and now it was the opposite. 

He hadn’t slept well last night and found that you kept popping up in his thoughts. You’d seemed so sincere when you told him that he deserved to be happy, that he’d had to excuse himself before you saw his eyes well up. He realized that when he’d arrived in the kitchen this morning and saw you were there, he’d felt a little flash of excitement too. Even now, picturing you sitting at the island and typing away made him feel warm inside. And whenever he was badgered into giving interviews, you always went out of your way to be kind and help him relax, even when he wasn’t being particularly receptive.

Why was he just now developing these fuzzy feelings toward you? He reflects on when he’d first arrived to the compound. You’d had a serious boyfriend at the time and he was just focused on his mental health recovery. Later on, you’d had a really ugly breakup and the team had fussed over how depressed you had been for a while, but with everything he was dealing with in his past, he’d kept away, not feeling as though he could relate to such normal life disappointments. And then...and then you’d been so comfortable with the team, laughing and joking, out of reach for a messed up guy like him. 

But now he feels a sense of longing and affection that are both familiar and foreign. It is like something he hasn’t experienced since before the war. It’s both overwhelming and frightening and he knows he has to stash it away.

***

You knock on his door later that evening. 

“Hey, Bucky,” you stammer. “Busy?”

“No, not at all. What’s up?”

“So I’m thinking about maybe going to my reunion after all. And I wondered if you still wanted to go? You don’t have to. I totally understand if you changed your mind. Pretending to be my date or...whatever is weird I guess. I mean, it’s not even your school, so why would you-”

Bucky interrupts your rambling. “I’m happy to go with you. As your date. I know it’s not as good as going with Captain America, but I’ll do my best.” He smiles shyly.

He’s confused by the almost sad look that crosses your face at his words.

“Don’t say that,” you say softly. “I want to go with you. You are not a downgrade from Steve. Don’t ever think that.”

Bucky is taken aback by the genuine emotion in your voice.

“Thank you,” he whispers.

You clasp your hands and feel your nervousness reach overwhelming levels.

“Thank you for doing this, Bucky. I’ll get you the details tomorrow.”

“Looking forward to it, doll.”


	4. Got Your Back

You are nervously rooting through your closet trying to decide what to pack for the trip home when Nat bursts into your room. 

“We’re all getting off this damn compound tonight. You know that bar/restaurant I took you to a few weeks ago? The one where the owner had Avenger paraphernalia up in the bar? He’s hosting a private evening for us tonight and whoever we want to invite for an impromptu evening field trip.”

“That’s late notice.”

“Well if you plan this stuff too far in advance, the security stakes just get higher because there’s time to plan an attack. This way I can clear it with basic security sweeps. And I did the staff weeks ago.”

“I was planning on reading a book and-”

“Yeah, I already told Bucky he better be there tonight so forget the book.”

“Nat. Shut up.”

Nat starts picking through your pile of clothes on the bed. “Not bad, but I have some thoughts.” She walks to the closet and starts picking from the sexier options.

“Relax. This is what I’m wearing to the reunion.” You hold up your dress and Nat whistles.

“If I’d known you’d be wearing something like that, I’d have canceled my training class,” Nat says, winking slyly.

You sigh and sit on the bed.

“What’s wrong? James Buchanan Barnes is going home with you for an entire weekend. How can you not be happy right now?”

“I’m worried I made a mistake. I like him so much, but he doesn’t see me like that. I’m afraid this weekend is going to backfire and make him either think I’m a weirdo, or just make me want something I can’t have even more.”

“You don’t know how that man sees you or what he’s thinking. He’s way too damn complicated to make assumptions. And maybe that weekend is exactly what’s needed to make him see you like that.”

“I’m not sure why I thought taking a man who makes me forget how to a speak to a party full of people that make me feel insecure ever seemed like a good idea,” you moan.

“We just went over this, Y/N. We went through the list of RSVPs together. There will be people there that you like. It will be fine. And you will be with a metal-armed super soldier. You will probably get Prom King and Queen.”

“That’s not how it works.”

“Well how would I know? I was in Russia.”

Nat jumps up. “I’ll be back to get you at 7. Wear this shirt and your dark jeans.” She tosses one of your favorite going out tops at you.

***

The place is brimming with SHIELD employees, Stark staff, and friends of the Avengers. Thor’s booming voice can be heard from the other side of the large room. Loki is sulking in a booth, slowly spinning a glass of Asgardian mead in front of him. Peter is sitting across from him talking animatedly. You stifle a giggle. Peter drives Loki crazy, as do most Midgardians, but Loki seems to tolerate more from him for some reason. Maybe his age.

You see Scott, Steve and Bucky standing by the bar, Scott gesturing excitedly with his hands. Your breath catches when Bucky meets your eye and watches you approach.

Scott is already tipsy and throws his arm around your shoulders to welcome you. For a split second, you think you see a strange look flit across Bucky’s face, but then he is just looking at you serenely, with steady blue eyes.

He’s wearing a casual blue sweater with his jeans, hair tucked behind his ears, face covered in delectable scruff. You take a sip of the beer Scott hands you so you don’t start drooling. Steve leads your small group over to a booth, looking like he’s about to sit next to Bucky, when Nat comes careening by full speed, bumping him into the table.

“Oh, sorry, Steve,” she apologizes while using her full body to block and maneuver him into the booth next to Scott. You have to give her credit. She does it smoothly and without drawing attention to you. You quietly slide in next to Bucky, who holds out his hand for your purse so he can put it by the wall, out of your way. 

The next hour is spent snacking on apps, laughing and drinking. Thor swings by and adds some Asgardian brew to everyone’s drink. “Whoa whoa!” Steve interjects as Thor’s generosity leads him to overshare with you.

Scott shakes his head and Bucky looks concerned. Thor chuckles and trades your glass with Steve’s, to which he only adds a small amount.

“Well, DADS,” you snort.

“Sorry. Not trying to be bossy, but you aren’t enhanced. That would not have been pretty for you. Trust me. We’re saving you from a bad, bad night.”

“I can vouch for that,” Scott nods.

You can see Bucky watching you sip out of the corner of your eye, so you choke and drip some on your shirt. He chuckles and hands you a napkin. 

“Smooth,” you murmur, shaking your head.

“I’ve seen worse,” Bucky grins, nodding at Steve.

Steve shoots him a dirty look as he stands. “Gotta go talk to someone.”

Bucky leans forward and glances around you. “Elle from Data Collection?”

Steve smooths his shirt down. “Wish me luck.” He marches off.

“Elle with all the tattoos? Would not have guessed,” you say. 

“He’s come a long way,” Bucky replies.

Scott hops up abruptly. “Hope’s here!”

You and Bucky are alone, just in time for Thor’s booze to hit your system.

“Whoa.” you say, placing your hands on the table to steady yourself. “That really is some strong stuff. It’s good, but I think I will just…” you push the glass to the other side of the table. “Give it some time.”

“That’s smart,” Bucky replies. “Good strategy.”

You are both startled by a new person plopping into the booth across from you. You immediately recognize her as the woman Bucky was talking to the day of his date.

“Bucky, I’m so glad you’re here. I haven’t seen you on campus for days!”

You glance at Bucky whose face has gone from smiling to blank, confirming this woman must be the bad date.

“Andrea,” he says evenly.

“Listen, I know we got off to a rough start, but I was hoping we could talk.” Andrea is slurring her words. You can’t help feeling offended that she’s pretending you aren’t even there.

Apparently Bucky feels the same. “Andrea, this is Y/N. Y/N, Andrea is an agent.”

Andrea glances at you and nods. “So can we give it another shot?” she says, returning her gaze to Bucky.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he says calmly. 

“Bucky, look-”

“Andrea, it’s not a good idea. We aren’t compatible. Now my friend here and I are-”

Andrea looks like she has never experienced rejection in her life.

She turns to you. “You dating him?”

“I, uh, no-”

“That’s good. He’s a fucking dickhead with a complex about his arm. Gee, Bucky, sorry I didn’t want to touch your murder arm! You’re lucky I’d even want to date you with your fucking past. Fuck you!”

You don’t even think about it. One second your jaw is hanging open and the next the remainder of your beer is dripping down her hair, face and front. She leaps out of her seat to lunge at you. With your rising blood alcohol level, you don’t even give it a thought before you land a slap on her cheek. She tries to claw at your neck but one metal and one flesh arm intervene, grabbing her and holding her out so her punches and kicks land on air. Most of the restaurant has turned to watch the spectacle and Maria Hill strides over, followed by two other agents who escort her out.

“Well this ought to do it,” she says quietly to you. “One more disciplinary action and she knew she’d be out. Sorry, you guys.”

Bucky just nods, then turns to grab his jacket from the booth. 

“You okay?” he inspects your hand for injury.

“I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.”

“I’m gonna head back to the compound,” he says to you quietly, his face an impossible read. “I’ll see you later.”

You chase after him and catch him just outside the door. You grab him and pull him against you, wrapping yourself around his left side, his metal arm entwined with yours.

“Don’t listen to her, Bucky. She’s a bitter, angry, soon-to-be-unemployed bitch.”

He looks down at you in surprise. You vaguely wonder if you are crossing the line touching him like this, but you’re buzzing too hard to care. 

“Thank you for having my back, doll. That was pretty amazing.” He manages a smile, though his eyes are still sad. “Hey, we will talk tomorrow. Get the travel plans worked out.”

“Okay,” you nod, hesitant to let go. He leans down kisses the top of your head and your whole body tingles.

He gives you one more small smile before he gets in the car and flies out of the parking lot.

As he doubles the speed limit on the way home, his flesh hand brushes over the left arm where you touched him.


	5. Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! The kiddo had a birthday and then the party was another day, but it's finally reunion time.

Bucky’s nervous as he pulls your duffel bag from the trunk.

“Are you sure your parents are okay with me staying here?”

You smile at him reassuringly. “I’m sure, Buck. Please don’t worry.”

All you do is drop the Y in his name, but the effect is profound. He swallows hard, but you don’t notice. 

Bucky effortlessly carries all your stuff and his to the door, where you ring the bell. 

“They changed the locks when they renovated a couple years ago. They never did give me a new key. I hope they aren’t trying to tell me something,” you joke.

Your mom opens the door looking harried. “Oh, honey, you’re here! Come in. Come in. Mr. Barnes. Sgt. Barnes?-”

“Just Bucky.”

“Bucky, I’m so glad to meet you. I’m so sorry. We are having a bit of a disaster at the moment. A pipe is leaking in the ceiling of the guest room and we’re trying to get everything out of the way. What a nightmare. We just redid everything not too long ago!”

Both of you follow your mom to the room, where your dad is pulling stuff away from the water. You and Bucky immediately jump in to help, finishing quickly with Bucky’s super assistance. Your mom eventually figures out how to cut the water off to this portion of the house. 

Once the four of you have done all you can do before the workmen arrive, proper introductions finally get made. 

“I’m so sorry we don’t have a proper place for you to sleep now, Bucky,” your mom says.

“He can have my room. It’s fine. I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“No way,” says Bucky. “I will sleep on the couch.”

“It’s an old school couch. Too small for you to be comfortable. I’m short. I’ll be fine.”

“Never gonna happen,” he smirks at me.

You attempt to thwart him by grabbing his bag and taking off up the stairs with it. You hear him chuckle behind you and follow. When you reach your room, you plop the bag down on the bed and turn around, only to see him plop your bag on a chair. 

“You are not sleeping on the couch,” he tells you firmly.

“Fine. I’ll sleep on the floor.”

“You know what? We’ll worry about this tonight. I can wait until then to win the argument, you brat,” Bucky says, shaking his head fondly at you.

“Oh, we will see about that,” you say, brushing past him to go back downstairs.

Bucky follows you down, experiencing a strange, unfamiliar sense of lightness.

***

Your dad shakes his head at Bucky. “Does she do this to the Avengers, too? Make them wait forever while she gets ready?”

“Shut up, Dad! I’m almost ready!” you yell jokingly.

When you finally start down the stairs, you see Bucky do a double take at the sight of you and you freeze. 

“Is it too much? Unflattering? I can change.”

“What?! No! You look incredible,” he says, eyes wide. Your parents smile as you continue down the stairs.

“Are you sure?” you ask uncertainly.

“I’m sure,” he responds with the utmost sincerity. “You look really beautiful.”

Bucky also looks gorgeous. It’s a semi-formal event so he’s wearing blue dress pants and a jacket with a button up black shirt and no tie. 

“Wow,” you say, when you reach him.

Your mom pulls out her phone to snap photos. 

“It’s not a prom, Mom,” you play whine, but secretly you’re thrilled to have this night documented. Bucky puts his arm around you and you lean into his side, smelling his cologne. You know you didn’t bring him for the shallow purpose of showing him off as your date, but you can’t help looking forward to everyone seeing you together.

Bucky escorts you to the car and opens your door. You are quiet except to give him directions.

“Nervous?” he finally asks.

“Yeah. I know it’s dumb.”

“It’s not dumb.” He shoots you a reassuring smile.

When you walk into the rented party space, he takes your hand and squeezes it gently. You push aside the voice inside that is warning you how much it’s going to hurt when this is all over and you’re back to being just friends.

You give your name and get a name tag that has your senior portrait printed on it. 

“Oh for the love of God.”

Bucky chuckles as he puts on his own name tag sans photo that proclaims he’s your guest. The woman signing people in does a double take when she realizes who Bucky is, so you quickly whisk him away. He stops you to take a closer look at the photo - a standard senior portrait with you in a black drape. 

“I cut all my hair off junior year, so it was growing back and it was just a mess-”

“Beautiful then. Beautiful now.” he interrupts.

You smile and lead him to some familiar faces, and exchange hugs and greetings with two old friends who were on the yearbook staff with you. They clearly recognize Bucky, but try to play it cool. You tell them about your work with the Avengers and they express their admiration for Bucky’s contributions to the team. He pinkens a little but accepts the compliments graciously. 

“Don’t look now, but Rachel is headed this way,” Lindy mutters.

“Rachel?” Bucky looks at you inquisitively.

“Hopefully she’s not as bitchy now as she was back then,” you reply quietly.

“The yearbook nerds made it! I’m so glad,” she exclaims.

John rolls his eyes. “Well without yearbook nerds, you wouldn’t have had your two-page Homecoming queen spread, soooo…”  
“Oh, John, I’m teasing.” Her eyes rove over the rest of the group, abruptly settling on Bucky.

“Holy- Are you?” She turns to you. “How on earth did you land a superhero for a date?”

You glare at her. “We work-”

“No way I could be away from my girl all weekend,” Bucky jumps in, arm pulling you in tightly at the waist. 

“You two are together?! How on earth have you kept that out of the tabloids! Good for you, Y/N! Glad you finally joined the dating game.”

Bucky wraps both arms around you and kisses the top of your head. “Not as glad as I am.”

Rachel looks dumbfounded. “Well, we are honored to have an Avenger at our little reunion.”

The song changes and Bucky spins you around. “How about a dance?”

“Um sure,” you stutter. He leads you to the dance floor and pulls you in, both swaying slightly to the music. He looks down at you and smiles. 

“Well that sure blew her mind,” you giggle.

“Oh, she’s watching us,” he replies. “I’m not sure she’s even blinking. Frankly, I’m concerned for her eye health.”

You casually shift so you take a peek. Rachel has been joined by her posse of mean girl friends. All are looking at you in shock. 

“Bitches,” you snort. 

“High school guys missed out,” Bucky says, turning to you again. You feel your cheeks heat up so you hide by leaning into his chest.

“Did you date in college?” he asks.

“Some, but I was kind of shy and didn’t have the most self confidence, so not a lot.”

You look back up at him and he tucks some loose hair behind your ear.

“Y/N, I’m really sorry I took so long to get to know you. Thank you for giving me a chance and bringing me to this.”

“Oh, Bucky, you don’t have to thank me. You are the one doing me a favor.”

“I think we are helping each other out,” he replies.

He glances at the Rachel posse again. “They are seriously still watching us. What is wrong with them?”

You laugh loudly.

“Want to mess with them? Give them something to look at?” he asks.

“How?”

Bucky lifts your chin with his finger and leans to down to press his lips to yours. The kiss is short but soft and sweet. You think your heart might beat out of your chest and you press the side of your face back to his chest afterward.

“I’m sorry. Was that too much? Too far?”

“No!” you exclaim quickly. “No, that was- That was perfect.”

The fading feel of his lips on yours has you dizzy and you relish his arms around you for another dance. But finally, you can ignore nature no longer. 

“I have to run to the ladies room, Bucky. I’ll be right back.”

“No problem. I’ll go get us drinks. Meet at the bar?”

“Sounds good.”

Bucky orders each of you a glass a wine and leans casually against the bar. He can’t stop thinking about the kiss or how badly he wants to do it again. But that can’t possibly be a good idea. Can it? Is there something between you guys or is it wishful thinking? He came along as a friend and can’t bear to have you think he’s taking advantage of the situation. But the way you look at him, touch him, even his fucking arm, it’s with such softness.

“Sgt. James Barnes, I had to say hi when I saw you over here,” a woman with curly blond hair, who had been watching earlier with Rachel, says, coming to rest her arm on the bar next to him. “But I’m pretty sure we didn’t graduate the same year.” She laughs flirtatiously.

Bucky nods politely. “I’m Y/N’s date.”

“Yeah, I vaguely remember her. Geometry class, maybe? Listen, some of us are going to head out to another bar. This is crowd is, ugh, well let me just say it does not represent the best of our class. The cool kids are taking off.” She makes finger quotes at “cool kids” and laughs like she’s made some hilarious joke, then gestures to a group gathering near the exit. It does not include a single person you’ve introduced him to tonight as an old friend of yours.

“I’m just waiting on Y/N, so…” He’s not sure how to respond to this invitation, though he’s quite confident you will share his lack of interest.

“She can come if she wants. It’s fine.”

Bucky’s fist clenches as this woman confirms what he expected. This invitation is really for him, not you.

“I think we’ll pass, but thanks,” he says, keeping his voice flat.

She sighs with disappointment and jots her number on a napkin with the name of the bar. She slaps it down in front of him and says, “If you change your mind,” and winks before walking away.

Bucky rolls his eyes and it’s at that moment you arrive on his other side. You inspect the napkin and snicker. “She’s the woooooooorst,” you exclaim, doing your best Jean Ralphio impression.

“You know, I’m glad you tackled your fears and came to this, and very happy that you brought me with you, but I’m really understanding your hesitation more and more,” he chuckles, handing you your wine.

“Listen, if you and Amber connected, I will respect your choices. Don’t let me hold you back from making a love connection.” You are laughing, but Bucky picks up on just the tiniest bit of insecurity underneath, like you might really be nervous that he’d rather go with them.

“Doll, I’m very happy exactly where I am.”

The look of happiness on your face at his words makes him hopeful.

***

The two of you make your way into your parents home, trying to be as quiet as possible since they are already asleep.

You trip slightly and giggle.

“Someone’s tipsy,” he jokes.

“Shhhh...my parents will ground me,” you snicker as you trip over the cat and Bucky catches you gracefully. Oliver hisses and runs off.

“Listen, I’m coming up to put on pajamas,” you inform him, “but then I’m coming back down to the couch.”

“Okay.”

“Wow. I didn’t expect you to concede so easily.”

He shrugs. “I know how stubborn you are.” He follows you to your room. 

You collect your sleepwear and step into the bathroom to change and wash your face. When you come out, he’s gone. You scurry down the stairs into the family room. Bucky’s already in a t-shirt and sweats and sprawled on the couch, legs over the arms because it’s way too short for him.

“You bastard. I can’t believe I fell for that.”

He makes fake snoring noises so you walk over and try to pull him off. He cracks one eye open and snorts. “You can’t possibly believe you can move me.”

“Buuuuckyyyyyy,” you whine. 

“Go to bed, drunky,” he says teasingly.

You respond by lying down on the floor next to the couch.

“Oh my God, you are ridiculous,” Bucky says, jumping up and hoisting you up bridal style. He carries you back to your room and sets you on the bed.

“Bucky, it’s a queen. Just stay here. I’ll be good and stay on my side. Prooooommmmisssse. I will feel too guilty knowing how uncomfortable you are.”

“If that’s what it takes to get you to sleep, fine,” he says good naturedly. You are already climbing under the covers, but he nudges you over. 

“I gotta be closer to the door. It’s a thing for me.”

“Oh,” you say sympathetically. “Claustrophobic? Escape route?”

“No, so I can protect you,” he grins and winks as he climbs under the blanket.

“From my mom shrieking rise and shine at 6 am and yanking the curtains open?”

“If you consider that a threat, yes.”

You giggle again. “Thanks for tonight, Bucky. It meant a lot to me.”

“It meant a lot to me too, doll. Thank you for taking me.”

You drift off quickly, thanks to the alcohol in your system, but Bucky lies awake for sometime, listening to your soft exhalations.


	6. Something New

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A fluffy reward for the wait. I hate going more than a day without updating but had deadlines to meet. Thank you so much for all the awesome comments!

“Bucky! Bucky!”

He wakes to see you leaning over him in the dark, your hand caressing his cheek.

“Bucky, you’re having a nightmare. Wake up, please!”

He sits up slowly as the dark images fade from his mind and he remembers where he is. 

You cradle his damp head against your chest and stroke his hair.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles. “What did I do? Did I hurt you?”

“No, no, you were just talking in your sleep and thrashing around.”

Bucky wraps his arms around your waist and presses his face into your neck, the faint lingering scent of your perfume calming him.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m okay. Thank you for waking me up.”

Bucky feels dread at the thought of you letting go of him, and wishes he could just stay like this forever. But he feels weird continuing to hold onto you, now that he’s fully cognizant of his surroundings again. He lies back down on the pillow, but is grateful when you follow him, lying next to him with your arm over his chest.

“Is this okay?” you whisper. “You sounded so scared.”

“Yes, it helps. A lot. Thank you, Y/N.” Bucky shifts his body so he’s facing you, placing his own arm over your waist, and looks into your eyes.

Your hand moves back to his face and you brush your thumb gently over his cheekbone. His arm tightens and he pulls you closer, his lips brushing against your forehead. You tilt your head up and your lips meet, gently, while his hand moves to the back of your head. His tongue slips into your mouth as he rolls you under him, the kiss becoming more heated. Your hands tug at his hair and his mouth travels to the sensitive area below your ear.

“Bucky,” you murmur, loving the way he feels against you, holding him tightly.

He slowly pulls his head back and looks down at you. “You are so beautiful.”

You pull him back down for another lingering kiss.

As you break for air, he cradles you to his chest and pull the blankets over both of you, holding you as you both drift back to sleep. When you wake in the morning, you realize you’ve turned and he’s now spooning you. He must sense that you are awake because he presses soft kisses to your shoulder and says, “Good morning, doll.”

“Good morning, Bucky,” you reply, bringing your hand up to place on top of his.

“I can hear your mom in the kitchen. Sounds like she’s brewing coffee.”

“Mmmmm. I hope so.”

You roll over and face him, pushing the hair out of his face. “You really are handsome,” you murmur.

“Does that mean you liked kissing me last night?” he teases.

“I liked it a lot.”

You’d do it again?”

“In a heartbeat.”

He responds with a short sweet kiss on your lips, followed by pecks to your nose, forehead and cheeks.

“Even better than coffee,” you smile.

“Wow! That’s commitment. So you’ll let me take you to dinner?”

“I can’t wait,” you say, twirling his hair around your finger.

“I never dreamed how incredible this weekend would turn out to be when I volunteered to come with you. I shudder to think how terrible it would have been for you if you’d had to go with Sam. He probably would have even let you sleep on the couch.”

You burst out laughing. “Now now. He’s nicer to me than he is to you. He would never.” You trace your fingers over Bucky’s scruff and snuggle closer to him. “But I’m really glad you came. I never actually thought this would happen.”

Bucky looks surprised. “What do you mean?”

“I have a confession. I’ve had a bit of a crush on you for a while. Maybe a lot of a crush.”

Bucky’s surprise turns to shock. “Are you serious? All this time I’ve wasted being oblivious and stuck in my own head, I could have been doing this?” He captures your lips in another kiss. “How long?”

“Oh I don’t know if I should answer that. I don’t want to scare you away.”

“Trust me. I’m not going anywhere.”

“I mean, I always thought you were the most gorgeous man I’d ever seen, from the moment you arrived at the compound. I didn’t let myself think about it too much because I was dating- ugh. I was with someone. But then, I don’t know, I’d see you with Steve, saw what an incredible friend you were to him. And he talked about you a lot, you know. Before he found you. I mean the first time, when he thought you were...before he knew you were even alive. I came to work for Tony not long after the Avengers formed and Steve told me all about you and it made me wish so badly that I could know you, too. He loved and missed you so much.”

Bucky’s eyes look damp and he blinks a couple times before nuzzling into your neck. You stroke his hair as he composes himself.

When he pulls back to face you again, he’s smiling.

“Breakfast is ready!” your mom yells from downstairs.

“Dammit,” you murmur. “I’m so comfortable.”

“I promise we can pick this up later where we left off,” Bucky says right before he jumps up yelling, “Rise and shine!” and yanks the curtains open, momentarily blinding you.

***

You sneak peeks at Bucky every so often on the ride home. 

“I see you looking at me,” he says with a soft smile, still staring straight ahead.

“Busted.”

He reaches over and takes your hand, lifting it up and kissing the back of it.

“I’m glad things didn’t work out with Andrea,” you joke. “Her loss is my gain.”

“You have more heart in your pinky than Andrea has in her entire body,” Bucky replies. “She would have been very bad for me.”

“Yeah, I know something about dating people like that,” you reply.

Bucky squeezes your hand. “I’m sorry I wasn’t a supportive friend when you were going through your breakup.”

“You had yourself to worry about. He was bad news, though. I realize now how lucky I am that I got out of that. And Natasha wanted to murder him anyway, so the breakup probably saved his life.”

“Really? What had Natasha out for blood?”

“He was…” you sigh and try to find the words. “Not a nice guy. Like even now I feel confused trying to describe him. Like he was emotionally abusive, but in such subtle ways it’s hard to explain because the individual examples seem petty and I would think maybe I was the one being unreasonable. Like if he’d just said straightforward mean things to my face or, hell, hit me, I feel like I would have been able to walk away. But he knew how to make me second guess myself. Wonder if I was the problem, rather than him. I didn’t realize how shitty he made me feel until he was gone.”

Bucky comes to a stop at a red light and turns to face you, placing his hands on both sides of your face before putting his lips on yours. When he pulls away, he says, “I never want to hurt you. And if I do, Natasha is well within her rights to murder me.”

You lean your head against his shoulder as he accelerates through the intersection.

***

You doze off briefly but wake to the vibration of the phone in your pocket.

“I got something, too,” Bucky says glancing at his screen. 

Natasha has sent a link to a TMZ article about the former Winter Soldier’s new girlfriend. They have several photos of the two of you dancing at the reunion and talking at the bar. “Sources say she works closely with the Avengers!” “Has Bucky Barnes finally found love?!”

“I guess it was naive not to see that coming,” you say. “I’m sorry, Bucky. I know you like to be private.”

“I’m proud to be seen with you, I just hate that you’re gonna get mud slung at you by association. Not everyone is a fan.”

“You’re worth it,” you reply. “Oh! This is my favorite! I’m framing it! You show him a photo of the two of you dancing and smiling happily at one another.”

“That’s definitely a keeper,” he says. “Like you.”


	7. The Past Will Haunt You

Darcy is waiting when the two of you arrive back at the compound. You already know what’s coming when you see her smirk.

“So when’s the wedding?”

“Shut it, Darc.”

“Those were some steamy pictures,” she grins.

You glance at Bucky nervously, knowing he doesn’t usually like attention like this, but he surprises you by grabbing you around the waist and planting a kiss on top of your head.

“Oh, come on! Say it isn’t true!” Sam, just back from his mission, yells as he and Natasha walk up behind you.

“Oh my God, you guys.” You bury your face in Bucky’s side.

“Well it’s about time,” Natasha grins evilly. 

“You knew?” Bucky glares at her playfully. “You could have tipped my clueless ass off.” He pulls you along behind him towards his room, but you run into Steve first.

Steve looks at both of your faces, then down at your clasped hands. “So it is real. Natasha and Darcy were sure of it.” He smiles. “Congratulations, guys. You both deserve happiness.”

“Thanks, Stevie. Also I’m glad you were as clueless as I was.”

“Oh shut it. Not that many people knew I liked you. Just Nat and Darcy. Well, Wanda.”

“Pepper and Tony swore they had figured it out, too,” Steve replies. 

Bucky is clearly antsy so Steve excuses himself grinning and Bucky pulls you the rest of the way down the hall. FRIDAY opens the door and he drops your bags just inside before turning back to embrace you. “Jump,” he murmurs.

Your legs around his waist, he carries you to the couch where the two of you embark in an intense and lengthy makeout session, starting with you on his lap, but leading into him lying on top of you. You can feel his hardness against you and you run your hands under his shirt, craving to touch every part of him. He pulls back and yanks his shirt over his head.

“This doesn’t bother you?” he asks, gesturing to his scarring, and trying to cover his uncertainty. 

You answer him by sitting up to trace the scars with your lips. “You’re perfect, Bucky.”

“So move this to the bedroom?”

You nod and he lifts you effortlessly to carry you back. You’re on your knees on the mattress kissing him as he stands bedside it. You feel him start to lift your shirt.

“Wait-”

He pulls back startled. “I’m sorry- Did I-”

“No! Shit, Bucky. I’m sorry. I don’t want to stop, but ummm, I just didn’t want you to be caught off guard by my scars. You’ve seen my arm, but the accident and operations left scars down my side, too.”

“Oh!” he looks relieved and sits on the bed next to you. “You know I think you’re beautiful, right? Scars sure as hell aren’t going to change that for me.”

You smile. “I know you’re a sweetheart that would never make me feel bad about them, but...Sorry. I panicked for a second. My ex once asked me if I wanted to get cosmetic surgery for them. He acted like it was to make me feel better about it, but it was really about him. I’d never said I wanted anything like that. Now I’m ruining a perfect moment because that popped in my head.”

Bucky slides off the bed to his knees and wraps his arms around your waist. He lifts you shirt slightly to kiss your stomach then looks up at you. “Can I?”

You nod and he lifts your shirt up until you pull it the rest of the way over your head. Bucky’s eyes darken at the sight of your black lacey bra, then drift over the pink and white scars decorating the left side of your rib cage. He stands pushing you back on the bed and you just feel those soft lips and his hot breath sliding all over your body, scars included. He reaches your belly button, just above your jeans and he looks at you as he begins to unbutton them. When you nod, he pulls them off and tosses them on the floor.

“This just means you were meant for me,” he says, nipping at your breast. “What was that weird thing Darcy was talking about a few weeks ago? Soulmate stories or something. Matching marks mean you’re meant to be. Maybe she’s onto something.”

You giggle and pull him up so you can kiss him again.

That’s when you hear a faint knock at the door. 

“Ignore it,” Bucky says, fumbling with the button on his jeans.

FRIDAY interrupts his efforts. “The Captain has an urgent matter to discuss with Miss Y/L/N.

“Now?” Bucky snaps. “Can’t it wait?”

“He says it’s important.”

“I’m going to kill him,” you mutter as you hop up and start pulling your clothes on. “I’ll be right back,” you say, giving him a quick kiss on the left shoulder.

You open the door and Steve takes in your disheveled appearance, reddening a bit. “Uh, I’m so sorry, but we have to talk.” 

“This is not the best time, Steve.”

“I know, but there’s something you need to know. It affects Bucky.”

You furrow your brows and step out into the hall, closing the door behind you. Steve, ever mindful of super soldier enhanced hearing, leads you down the hall.

“The pictures of you guys at the reunion...Some reporter recognized you from footage in DC. It’s popping up everywhere now, that you were there when the helicarriers came down.”

“Fuck,” you whisper.

“I don’t know how Bucky is going to take this.”

“He’s going to know we’ve been lying to him all this time. That I’ve been lying,” you lean against the wall, suddenly weak in the knees, overwhelmed by just how bad the timing of all this is.

“We have to tell him before he hears it from someone else.”

“I know.”


	8. Truth Revealed

Bucky comes storming out of the room before you can return and takes in the grim expressions on both of your faces.

“What’s going on? Is everything okay?” he asks, irritation turning to concern.

“Bucky, I have to tell you something. Can we go back in and sit down?”

He looks at you, confused, but turns so you and Steve can follow.

At the door Steve quietly asks, “Do you want to talk to him alone first? Or I can come in now. This is on me, too.”

“I can hear you,” Bucky gripes. “Both of you get in here and please tell me what the hell is going on.”

You take a seat next to him on the couch and Steve stands by the wall. Taking his hands in yours, you begin.

“Bucky, I haven’t been completely honest with you about something. The timing couldn’t be worse considering what we were talking about right before Steve knocked, but it’s about my scars.”

Bucky looks completely baffled. “What about them? Is there something about the accident I don’t know?”

“Bucky, I wasn’t injured in a car accident. I was at the Triskelion the day the helicarriers came down. I went looking for Steve and Nat because I didn’t believe the things that were being said about them.”

You see the realization dawning on his face, the horror in his eyes. He reaches out to touch the scar on your arm.

“I did this to you,” he whispers.

“No!” you snap without meaning to. “HYDRA- Alexander Pierce did this.”

Bucky stands and faces the window. “It’s my fault. I was trying to kill Steve and I almost fucking killed you, too.”

“Bucky, you know that’s not true,” Steve interrupts.

“Then why have you been lying to me? Everyone here must know the truth. Everyone has been lying since I got here.”

“Please don’t be angry with them, Bucky. This was all my idea. I begged everyone to go along with it. You know Steve hates lying. He only went along with it because I convinced him it was better for you.”

“Why? Why would it be better for me?”

“You were nervous about joining the team. Living with people you’d fought with before. You had so much guilt and bad history with Sam and Nat. Tony. I wanted us to be friends and I thought if you didn’t know what really happened to me, you’d be more comfortable around me. I didn’t want to be a source of bad memories.”

Bucky is at loss for words, just looking at you in shock. You stare at him sorrowfully.

“I care about you so much. I’m sorry.”

“Why are you telling me now?”

“Some reporter saw the pictures of us together and linked it to news footage from that day. Apparently I was on camera when the debris came down. I was outside, but too close to the building.”

Bucky closes his eyes and his entire body goes stiff. His breathing is labored. Steve is first to realize that a panic attack is starting and he eases Bucky onto the couch. Tears well up in your eyes as regret overwhelms you.

You hold Bucky’s flesh hand as Steve talks him through it and eventually Bucky leans back and closes his eyes, taking slow, deep breaths.

Without opening his eyes, he says, “I need some time alone to process this.”

“Bucky,” you whisper desperately.

“I need it. I just have to- I need to be alone right now.”

Tears drip down your face and you nod. “Okay.”

“Bucky, we are here when you are ready,” Steve says. “We all love you and no one ever wanted to hurt you. Find us when you want to talk.”

Without opening his eyes, he gives a slight nod. 

When you reach the hall, you collapse sobbing. Steve catches you.

***

Hours later, unable to sleep, you are nursing a glass of wine and staring out a window feeling miserable and questioning how one of the best days of your life turned into one of the worst.

“Hey,” Steve says, leaning in the doorway. “I’m going to try to talk to him. It’s going to be okay, Y/N.”

“He going to hate me now. I fucked everything up.”

“That’s not true. I agreed to this too and the intentions were good. He will see that after the initial shock wears off. You care about him. I may have been oblivious to the depth of your feelings, but I’ve seen over the years how you watch out for him when reporters step over the line, the way you try to make media events less overwhelming for him. And those pictures? I’ve known him a long time. I saw the old Bucky in those pictures. He’s fallen for you.”

Steve embraces you when you sniffle. 

***

Bucky is sitting quietly in his living room. The TV is on but it’s turned low. He briefly considers telling Steve to go away, but lets him in instead. 

“Can I sit?”

Bucky grunts.

“Buck, I’m sorry for lying to you. I know how important trust and honesty is for you. It’s important to me, too. And maybe we made the wrong call on this, but please don’t be angry with Y/N. You weren’t sure you should come here because of your history with Nat and Tony. You were even nervous about Sam. Y/N wanted to be a new face, someone you could start fresh with. She truly had your best interests at heart and that is why I agreed to it.”

“I’m not angry with her- I just- I don’t know. I just never expected her to lie to me. Even if it was to spare my feelings. You. You I am mad at. You know me better than that.”

“You’re right, Bucky. I’m sorry. Just please know that Y/N’s feelings for you are sincere. She never meant for something like this to happen. I’m the one that knew you back then. I should have realized this was bad idea in the long run.”

Bucky nods and sighs. “I had an amazing time with her this weekend. I want to be with her. I just keep picturing that day now and the horrible things I did. And I think of her hurting and in pain because of my actions and it kills me.”

Steve starts to speak, but Bucky interrupts him, “Yes, I know she doesn’t blame me for it, but I do.”

Steve stands. “Talk to her. I think you have something really good together. Don’t let it get away. The regret stays with you, I can promise you that.”

“Thanks, Steve.”

***

The truth is Bucky has craved your presence most of the day. Wanted to curl up in your arms while he works through this painful reminder of the past. He just doesn’t feel like he deserves it now that he knows he’s the reason for the scars on your body. And he is genuinely hurt about the lies, even though he understands your intentions were good, that you only wanted to spare him more pain.

He starts making his way to your suite, nervous to see you after the way he abruptly pushed you away earlier. His nerves getting the best of him, he stops in the library, which has one of the best views of the woods surrounding the compound.  
“Oh, hey there! What’s up, Buck Buck,” Darcy says suddenly from behind a bookshelf, snapping her gum.

“I didn’t know anyone was in here.” he replied.

“So much for enhanced hearing.”

“I don’t think you’ve ever been that quiet for that long.”

“Did I just get burned by the Winter Soldier?”

Bucky shakes his head and starts to head for the exit.

“Hey, did I ever tell you about the first time I met Y/N?”

“No.” 

“Yeah, it was not long after you got here. I came with Jane because she and Thor...yadda yadda yadda. Anyway, Y/N was losing her mind, going off on this dude from Dateweek or 72 Hours or some newsmagazine show that was profiling the team. Apparently this guy was here to interview you and it went bad.”

Bucky remembers. It was his first team interview and he didn’t want to do it, but Tony and Steve thought it was necessary to show the public they were all united. Y/N had surprised him with a bag of sunflower seeds, a snack he both liked and also found relaxing because removing the shells kept him distracted from his anxiety. But it had not gone well. Though Pepper’s PR team had made it clear that his past was off limits for this particular interview, the reporter had gone into attack mode with harsh accusations. Bucky had walked out and had a full blown panic attack in the elevator with Steve.

“She was screaming at him, telling him he’d never get near you or anyone else on the team ever again. She was loud. I mean like, based on volume alone, I expected her to be the size of Hulk. I thought Tony was gonna have to put the suit on. I was kind of disappointed he didn’t, but anyway, yeah. She made some very specific threats against this guy’s special area. She actually thought she was gonna get fired but Tony thought it was hilarious that she threatened to send this guy’s dick through a wormhole, so it was fine. I think she got a raise actually.”

“Are you serious? I’ve never seen her like that. Ever.”

“I’ve never seen it again since then. It was amazing. When I got the job here, I knew we’d be BFF.”

Bucky smiles and bites his lip, looking at the floor.

“Um, Darcy?”

“You’re welcome, Buckaroo.”


	9. Romantic Gesture

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day! The end is here ;)

You’re curled up on your bed staring at the TV without registering anything you see, when you hear a rustling at your door, followed by a slight knock.

When you arrive at the door a folded piece of paper has been slid underneath. You pick it up and read the familiar, girly handwriting.

 

Do you like Bucky?

Circle One

Yes No Maybe

 

You fling the door open to see a smirking Darcy and and a cross-armed Bucky who looks like a combination of nerves and annoyance. 

“That’s not how it works, Y/N. You have to choose an answer and pass it back.”

“What is this?” you ask, looking back and forth.

“I told Bucky I’d help him out with the most romantic gesture one can use to initiate a relationship.”

“I wasn’t really given a choice in this,” he murmurs.

“I didn’t realize we were in elementary school.”

“I think I’ll take it from here, Darcy,” Bucky says. 

“Fine, but I already wrote your names in permanent marker with a heart around them on my Trapper Keeper so work this shit out.” Darcy scurries down the hall.

Bucky meets your eyes, feeling awful when he sees how red and puffy they are.

“Can we talk?”

You nod and lead him inside, swallowing hard.

He sits next to you on the couch, turned slightly so your knees are touching. You wait for him to say it’s over, but he places his hand on your knee.

“I’m sorry for my reaction,” he says.

“You don’t owe me an apology. I’m the one who lied.”

“But I understand why. I get it. You were trying to spare me from feeling the way I currently do about being the cause of this.” He reaches out and brushes your arm.

You grab his hand and clasp it tightly. “I know me saying that it’s not your fault doesn’t erase how you feel, but I don’t look at my scars or or think about that day and picture you, Bucky. I don’t associate any of that with you. I think of HYDRA, of Pierce. Rumlow even. They are and have always been the responsible parties. Even before I knew you.”

Bucky pushes some hair behind your ear and runs his thumb along your cheekbone.

“Do you still want to be with me?”

“Of course I do,” you reply.

Bucky pulls you into a hug and the two of you cling to each other.

“You make me feel vulnerable,” he murmurs into your ear. “It’s a feeling I try to avoid, to protect myself. It scares me, but being with you feels right.” His lips find the most sensitive spot on your neck and you moan.

You slide your hands into his hair as he meets your lips with his. 

When you stand up abruptly, Bucky looks startled.

“FRIDAY, no interruptions this time. I don’t care if the world is ending,” you say, dragging Bucky to the bedroom.

“I will do my best to minimize interruptions, but world ending events do require notification of all team members.”

“Thanks, FRIDAY.”

You push Bucky’s shirt up and trace his abs with your tongue. He groans as he pulls it over his head and tosses it on a chair. When you begin to fumble with his pants, he stops you.

“My turn.” He gently lifts your shirt over your head and leans down to kiss the swell of your breasts before reaching around to unclasp your bra. You return to the task of pants removal, stepping back to take him in when he’s down to his black boxer briefs. His cock is straining against the material.

Bucky looks bashful under your gaze, so you wrap your arms around him again and kiss his chest. “You are the most beautiful man I have ever seen.”

He smiles and lifts you onto the bed. His hands move under your ass and his fingers grasp the waistband of your jeans and panties, sliding them down your legs slowly. Then he pulls your hips to the edge of the mattress and drops to his knees, throwing your legs over his shoulders. His tongue slides along your inner thigh until he reaches your core and you cry out at the initial flick to your clit. Your hips buck as he works your body to climax with his mouth and when he adds first one finger, then two, you muffle your screams with your fist.

“I want to hear you,” he murmurs, so you cry out his name as you come.

As you pant and try to recover from the most intense orgasm you can ever remember in your life, he stands and slides his boxers off. His cock springs free with a slap to his lower abs. Every inch of him is perfect and you sit up to grab his hand pulling him to the bed. He’s actually startled when you push him onto his back and hungrily start kissing and licking down his front, tracing his v-line with your tongue.

“Oh, wow,” he gasps out.

When you reach his cock, you grasp it in your hand and swirl your tongue around the tip. He clutches at the sheets and there’s a ripping sound. 

“Shit. Sorry.”

“I don’t like these sheets anyway,” you say, before returning to your task. You have never enjoyed performing this act so much in your life. As you run your tongue along the vein on the underside of his cock, you hear the sheets rip a little bit more. And when you take him all the way into your throat, your nose tickled by the hairs at the base of his cock, he cries out your name. 

You slide up and down his length and his hips begin to rise, gently thrusting into your mouth, but careful not to hurt you. One of your hands slips between your legs because you’re so turned on by the sounds he’s making. When he sees you touching yourself, he grits his teeth so he doesn’t come right away.  
“Baby, stop. I don’t want to finish yet. I want to be inside you.”

You pull off him and climb up his body, straddling him, then slowly lowering yourself onto his cock. He clenches his jaw and grabs your hips, pulling you back and forth while he throbs inside you. Your hands are flat on his chest for balance as you ride him, and you already feel like you are going to come again. You grab his hands and slide them up your body to your breasts, climaxing as he traces your nipples with his thumbs. 

“You are so sexy,” he murmurs. “I will never be able to get enough of you.” At that he rolls you under him and his hips begin thrusting frantically as he nears his own climax. 

He buries his face in your neck when he stills, groaning your name.

Your arms wrap around his shoulders and your legs around his waist, wanting to keep him against you forever, his weight pressing you into the mattress. 

He finally lifts his head pressing his damp forehead to yours.

“That was incredible,” you say softly.

“I thought so,” he smiles.

He rolls to your side, but pulls you against him, your sweat-slicked bodies still heaving.

“I thought you super soldiers were built to better handle such taxing athletic activities. You’re as winded as me.”

“Running and fighting don’t provide this kind of pleasure, or make my brain white out,” he chuckles. “You could definitely take me out with this body of yours.”

The two of you lie there quietly recovering, exchanging kisses and tracing each other’s bodies with gentle touches until you begin to shiver. You huddle closer to him and the intense body heat he emits because of the serum, but the room continues to grow chillier.

“Why is it so cold in here?” you finally mumble to Bucky.

“I can feel it, too, and that’s saying something,” Bucky replies. “FRIDAY, can you turn the heat up? My girl is cold.”

Your heart leaps at his words.

“I’m sorry, Sgt. Barnes. The system appears to be malfunctioning. The heat is not working and the AC is not responding properly to commands.”

“You have got to be kidding,” you snort. “Tony is gonna be pissed.”

Bucky reaches down and pulls the blankets over the both of you, then cradles you against him. You close your eyes and nuzzle into him.

“I’ll keep you warm with my body heat.” You can hear the smile in his voice, but his words cause your eyes to pop open and you sit up.

“FRIDAY?”

“Yes, Miss, Y/L/N?”

“Is the system really broken?”

“I was asked to inform you that the system is malfunctioning.”

“Who told you to tell us that?”

“I am not at liberty to say.”

“FRIDAY, is the system really broken?”

“I was asked to inform you-”

“FRIDAY! Yes or no. Is it actually broken?”

“The system is fully functional.”

“DAAAAARRRRRRCCCCYYYYYYYY!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you're wondering, the staying warm with body heat trope is my all time favorite.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and all the awesome comments!


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